Passion for CPU Instructions

I’m sitting right now in my room typing these words surrounded by all kinds of ‘computer’ stuff. I’ve re-took an old interest in harware, I spent the entire day creating my home media server today. Bundling together some old HDDs and a Core 2 Duo chip, it’s not much but I’ll be using it exclusively, no need for a fancy lateest gen bs to run things.
It was super exciting to write c++ code for my arduino Uno R3 from 2011, I played around with IR sensors, and was able re-purpose a remote controller to control the lights and AC. My souldering skills suck at the moment but It was fun taking 20 mg of Tranxene and focusing on doing stuff I like again.
It’s refreshing to be able to use my brain clearly again, I feel mentally free again, probably for the first time since 2017. I re-discovered my passion for electronics, a passion I foolishly assumed was lost or outgrown. I forgot the torture of writing CPU instruction in pure X86 Assembly and the rush of endorphins when I acrutally get things to work.
My field of study is interesting, but I have to admit that going for an engineering degree would have been more interesting on a personal level. Medicine is rewarding, prestigious and can open your eyes to a lot of variability in experience and feeling. Yet, I can’t accept that my heart and soul drift towards more fundemental sciences, at the core of existing, I have a thirst for knowing that has yet to be satisfied. I feel in a complete flow state when I’m debugging code, I reach an almost equivalent state of being when I’m diagnosing a difficult case, or analyzing a cluster of complex & varied symptoms in a patient. The two states differ in many aspects but they fundementally reflect one reality, I have to think about things and understand them at a deep enough stage, or else, my inner judgmental self starts saying mean things to me like; “You’re an oxygen sucking peasant, do something useful with your time asshole”.